Around two weeks ago I finally booked a long awaited trip to Vancouver to visit my brother and sister inlaw, and my two nieces. This trip was originally booked last March, but I had to postpone to undergo genetic testing during pregnancy.

When this trip was first planned, Lucy was under 2 and therefore free. Since that’s not the case anymore, I had planned on just bringing Odette. As I was booking the trip, my wonderful hubby gave the go ahead to spend the money for an extra ticket.

So, tomorrow I leave for Vancouver, with a 2.5 year old and a 2.5 month old. When I mention this to people I’ve mostly been met with shock, and comments of ‘you’re brave!’ and ‘you’re crazy’. I actually take a small amount of offense to this.

To be honest, I’m not even a bit worried about this trip. Lucy is a good listener when we are somewhere unfamiliar, and she is so excited about this trip. Odette is such a calm and chill baby that I have zero worries about here. As long as she has snuggles and boob she’s happy.

The other reason I’m not worried is that this is my every day. Yes the stakes are higher in an airport, but I manage this zoo every single day. In my mind, all that worrying about it does is create extra stress. The day will go how it goes, and on the other side of the country my big brother will be there ready to help us get our bags and into the car.

Even if it is a crazy day, it’s worth it. I don’t deny my children opportunities because I’m afraid of the work. I’m going to meet those challenges head on so that my girls create memories.

Don’t worry, I’ll let you all know how it goes, but I suspect it will be just fine.

This is a repost from my Facebook memories. I wrote this a year ago and I feel that it needs to be shared again. In the past year I have three friends in my age group who lost a parent, and several others who have lost friends me family. We are not immortal, so it’s important to remember this message.

Here it is:

I’ve been struggling this past week trying to understand how unfair life can be. Dave lost his father this past year, and I lost my grandmother. In a sense we were ‘lucky’, we had time to process, to understand, and to make sure we spent time with our loved ones before the time ran out. It doesn’t change the void left behind, but it changed the way we grieved.

Last week my close friend lost her mother unexpectedly, and I can’t wrap my head around why it had to happen. She was an amazing and supportive mother, she loved her family and friends, she adored her grand baby. She had so much life left to live and so many things left to do. I know there is no answer to the question of why, but it just seems so damn unfair to see my friend lose her mom, her best friend, well before her time.

My grief this week has been immense. The very sad reality of life is we aren’t here for very long. So my advice is this: love hard.

Love without restraint. Make sure the people closest to you know that you love them, you support them, and you value them. Remember how precious time is, and make the most of it. Remember how important it is to make memories together, you never know when memories will be all you have.

Love your family, love your friends, love yourself. Love hard.

It’s 3am and I’m wide awake. This probably isn’t surprising to you because I have a 2 month old….but the baby is sleeping soundly beside me. So why am I awake? The toddler.

I come from a family that enjoys sleep. We all understand the value of a nap and still indulge as adults. Eight hours at night is the minimum for proper functioning. Hubby on the other hand is of the “sleep is for the weak” camp. Six hours does him fine, and he regularly criticizes my love for napping. Clearly the toddler is cut from the same cloth as her father.

She’s currently in her room singing the song of her people. Mooooommmyyy, moooommmy, daaaaadddddyyyy, moommmmmyy. For the third. freaking. time. When I go in she’s not upset, but matter of factly states ‘you will snuggle me’.

Now, if daddy had heard her that statement might be true, however mommy covets sleep. So I rub her back, sing a song and silently beg her to go back to sleep. Wash, rinse, repeat.

Thankfully she will spend two nights at grandma’s this week, and I will thank my lucky stars that the baby takes after me and will let me catch up on sleep. Until then I’ll continue to look like a zombie and survive on coffee even though I don’t like it.

Sigh, baby says it’s snack time. Sweet dreams friends.

Let’s also work on ending the guilt we feel constantly as parents. You know that guilt you feel when your house looks like a tornado blew through it, but you binge watch that new Netflix show? Or when your so tired your kid watches too many episodes of paw patrol? Or when you eat even more of that fudge from Christmas even though you want to lose the baby weight? Yeah that guilt… let’s stop it.

Right this second I’m sitting at the YMCA, blogging. Not working out or doing anything even remotely active (unless rocking the car seat with my foot counts). I dropped Lucy off at the childcare area and had every intention of putting Odette in my wrap and walking…. But she’s asleep… And we all know you don’t wake a sleeping baby.

As I was sitting here reading I started to feel the guilt creep in. I basically dropped my toddler off at childcare so I could sit in silence when I should be doing something active. Thoughts in my mind of how I’m ever going to get in shape again, how it seems awful to have someone else watch my kid while I’m doing nothing, on and on.

Then I realized, what the heck? I pay for the ymca membership, why do I feel guilty for using it even if it’s just for the childcare? Why am I worrying about physical health when mental health is just as important, and having silent time to read is definitely good for mental health.

Honestly, we need to stop ourselves from feeling this way. In 10 years from now my child isn’t going to be upset about that day that she got to play with other kids while I sat down and read. If anything, she would be happy mom had the mental break so I had more energy to play when we go home. Kids also aren’t going to remember the one time we didn’t sweep the floor or do the dishes because we were tired, or ordered take out again because the idea of making dinner is too much to handle.

Of course, it’s all about balance. We do have to remember our physical well being, to engage our children instead dog plopping them in front of the TV, to keep our house at least tidy enough that guests don’t feel like they need to put on a hazmat suit when they enter, etc. But on the days where you’re exhausted and need a break? Take it.

You’re mental health will thank you.

I grew up in a small town, where most of us went to school together from kindergarten, so I’m no stranger to the cliquey behaviour that can exist in a small town. It seems like new people are often regarded with suspicion, as if welcoming new people to town may somehow bring unwelcome change. I knew when we moved here we would face this challenge, but I underestimated how difficult it would actually be.

The lack of connection didn’t bother me much prior to having Lucy. I worked at a hotel and then in retail when we moved here, so I was constantly in a social setting. I made a couple of friends through work, but by the end of the day I was actually relieved to not have to be social anymore.

After I went on maternity leave, I started to feel the need for deeper connections. Maternity leave can feel lonely and isolating, being home with a baby all day isn’t exactly stimulating. In the fall of that year, there was an indoor walking group starting for parents with young children, and I thought it was the perfect opportunity to meet other adults and socialize my child. I didn’t expect it to be one of my first big challenges as a new mom.

The first time I attended the walking group, I came home crying. Seriously, crying from frustration, sadness and isolation. That entire first walk the only person who talked to me was the woman leading the group, and that was just her doing her job. I felt completely unwelcome and at the same time a bit disgusted. I’d noticed the way the town tends to segregate new people, but never thought it would be that way with parent/child groups. In my mind those were the people who should be the most open to new people, after all we are all experiencing the same crazy stage of life. I made a decision that day that I would keep going, essentially forcing my acceptance.

Luckily over the course of that group more open and friendly moms joined and I met some great people and created lasting friendships. I still rarely attend the other playgroup though, because no matter how often I take Lucy to the daily playgroup, the sense of segregation has remained with many of the regular attendees. It’s incredibly frustrating.

An interesting observation I’ve made is that the ‘cliquey’ people seem to actually create their groups out of insecurity. They are afraid of change or of how a new person may perceive them, so instead of broadening their horizons they retreat and ‘protect’ the group.

Another thing I’ve noticed is that many of the people who I’ve clicked best with are not originally from here, or if they are they have spent time elsewhere before moving back. There are definitely some exceptions to this, but overall it seems to hold true. My theory is that people who have moved around a bit understand the difficulty of navigating a new environment and making friends, so they naturally become more welcoming.

Growing up in rural Ontario I was taught that city people are snobs, but honestly as I’ve grown older it seems to be the opposite. I’ve never experienced the same cliquey behaviour when I’ve taken Lucy to play places in the city. I’ve always been impressed by the warm and friendly people I’ve encountered and the conversations I’ve had. Again I think this stems from the varied backgrounds of people there.

To end this long blog, I just want to simply say, don’t be a snob. Say hi to the new person you’ve noticed at playgroup or the park. Share information about other cool things happening in the community. It’s so important to make people feel welcome in a small town, this is how community is built. Small towns need new people, they bring new ideas and perspectives, and with that comes growth.

Small towns can be annoying at times, especially when you are an hour from the nearest city. There aren’t a ton of restaurant or entertainment options available, and Amazon is your best friend for a lot of shopping.

That being said, small towns are also great in a lot of ways. Take my chai latte for example. Chai latte you say, skeptical on how a small town Chai latte can be better than a city one… But it’s not about the latte itself.

There’s a good chance that if I went to a Starbucks in the city, I would order it and be done, with minimal human interaction. Here in small town ontario, my Chai latte is actually a secondary reason for stopping at Cravings, a local ice cream/coffee/sweet treats shop. The primary reason is actually the good conversation that comes with my Chai. I can guarantee I’ll have a great conversation with the owner, who has a toddler and has become a friend of mine. So not only do I leave with an awesome beverage, but I also leave feeling refreshed and stimulated from having a conversation with someone who isn’t two.

This is typical of a small town. You’re almost always met with a warm smile and friendly conversation when you go into local businesses. You’re treated like you matter, because in a small town you do.

For those of you thinking “I don’t want that, I like the anonymity of Starbucks, I just want to grab my coffee and run”, I challenge you to start engaging people. I bet even on your grumpiest mornings a warm smile and friendly conversation will leave you feeling better than the coffee itself does.

Cheers!

New you? I hope not. I personally don’t want a ‘new’ me. Is there room for improvement? Sure, there is always room for bettering ourselves, but only if we want to, and only when we are ready. Just because it’s the start of a new year on the calendar doesn’t mean we have to rush into resolutions.

I really hate the push at this time of year for resolutions. Setting goals is great, but doing it just because it’s new years is just setting yourself up for failure. You achieve a goal if you want to, not because you forced yourself to set said goal because you were following some weird societal norm for this time of year.

So go into 2019 knowing that you can set goals, but you don’t have to. It’s quite alright to be happy with things the way they are.

2018 comes to a close tonight, and just like that another year is gone.

Like any year, it had its ups and downs, fortunately it was mostly a positive year.

I started the year with a part time position supervising students in the horse programs offered by UoG and Ridgetown college. It was a great experience, and I lived working around the horses again. The jury is still out on the students 😉 In all seriousness, most of them were fantastic but it was eye opening to see the bullying and entitlement that existed as well, even towards supervisors and teachers. Honestly that aspect was disheartening.

On family day I found out that I was pregnant with baby #2. That was super exciting news, but came with a few challenges when the initial ultrasound showed possible complications. We had to travel to London a few times for ultrasounds and genetic testing. It was a stressful time but everything was okay!

One of the more challenging things this year was living in a small town while the main employer had a 12 week strike. It created quite a bit of division in the town, with us being on the ‘wrong’ side of the labour dispute. My husband is an engineer which meant he worked through the strike. We had some people show their true colours to us during that time, and felt like we were living in a very hostile environment. A list of employee names was released, people know where we live. Honestly, it felt downright unsafe at times. Our entire street was lined with unifor support signs and our house was being watched (yes, seriously). It got to the point where my husband had to change his routine and drive a different way to work because he was being watched as a source of information about when salaried employees were going to work. The positive impact for our family was the schedule. Salaried employees adopted the miner schedule and while the 12 hour days were difficult, they had a week off every month. I’ve never seen my husband so much! It allowed us so much family time and adventures with Lucy.

We also got married this year, which was lovely, intimate and everything I ever wanted. I couldn’t have asked for a better day.

The fall came with the birth of Odette. My birth was perfect, only 4 hours and a happy healthy baby. She is the sweetest little baby girl and we are so blessed to have her. With her came the adjustment of having 2 kids, but overall I’d say that’s been going very smoothly.

Honestly, 2018 was a great year. We are healthy, happy and very lucky. My husband has been a great source of support and has really shined in his fatherhood role. My daughters are fantastic and bring us so much joy (and some frustration, but that’s part of the package ;)) My parents are the best grandparents my kids could ask for, and have been a huge support.

I’m walking into 2018 feeling very thankful and looking forward to what the next year will bring us.

Happy new year everyone!

Guys, I love my kids. Anyone who knows me knows my kids are my life. But I’m going to get real with you. Toddlers are absolutely crazy.

Two started off extra smoothly with Lucy basically potty training herself the week of her second birthday. Win! For the most part she was listening well and communicating her feelings…..and then along came baby sister.

This development obviously changes the dynamics of the household, with the biggest change being that Lucy has more daddy interaction and less mommy direction. Add that to winter weather and it getting dark at 4pm and what do you get? The feral toddler stage.

It feels like whenever both Dave and I are home the house is absolutely crazy. Boundaries are pushed, tantrums are abundant, and limits set by me are responded to by ‘iiiiii waaaaaannnnnnntttt daaaaaadddddddyyyy’ which is equal parts frustrating and demoralizing. I’ve become the bad cop parent, and honestly I HATE it because it feels like I’m constantly saying no or yelling to maintain order.

I rejoined the ymca solely for the purpose of being able to take Lucy to the childcare area while I either walk or sit in peace. Twice this week I’ve dropped her off and literally sat down with Odette sleeping in her car seat and just read my phone… Or posted a blog (yep, currently sitting at the ymca).

These crazy times are when I miss city amenities. There’s not enough activities here to keep my crazy active toddler sane, and the winter is going to feel particularly long I think.

Radio silence for a few days while we got through the Christmas craziness. All in all, I’m super impressed with my girls. They handled the craziness like the rockstars they are.

On Christmas eve we were invited to our neighbours for dinner. The meal was delicious as always and they gave Lucy a singing Elsa doll which was a big hit! We seriously have the best neighbours who treat my children like grandkids. They are probably the best part of small town living.

Christmas morning was spent at our house opening presents. This was the first year that Lucy really understood Christmas and she was so excited. I bought her a bunch of dress up stuff second hand and she’s been wearing her princess dresses for days now, so I’d say that was a good plan.

We spent Christmas afternoon at my parents and stayed the night. Lucy only napped for about 10 minutes on the drive, so I was counting on the day being a disaster, but she actually pulled through fairly well. She crashed hard at night and was quite tired yesterday too. She even fell asleep on the drive home with her snack still in her hand.

My kids and us were spoiled. We have such a wonderful family. I absolutely love spending time with everyone and am so blessed that we all are close and enjoy family time. With us living an hour and a half from my parents and my sister living a bit further, it’s not often enough that we get all of us together at once.

I hope all of you enjoyed your Christmas!